WARNING: A bemoaning RANT about to begin.
I SUCK! I totally SUCK at chess. No matter how hard I train, study and doll out money for a coach, I STILL SUCK at chess.
In an exercise in futility, I re-entered the event in the 3-day schedule. I lost the first game because of the insanity of the previous two days were continuing. A definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Well.. in the first round I played an unsound tactic and ... LOST ...big surprise. I took an existential break and walked off the first G45 loss. Meditated, went for a walk and cleared my head. Round 2 I lost in an opening trying to defend a 2.Nf3 variation of the C-K that I was not familar with. I deicded to take a half point bye and sync up with the kids for a relaxing dinner to be refreshed for round 4. With a WINNING position ( Q versus Rook) I managed to lose on time. Then came the 8 year old with a 1690 rating in the G45 round 5. I pulled more insanity with the same version of the C-K in round 1 and I squandered a perfectly sound position with a quick tactical shot that backfired because I didn't see the inbetween check.
I finished with a WORSE score... a WORSE SCORE AAAAUUUUUUGH! I asked the TD about using my previous score from the 5 day schedule. They allow such things. Use the better score of the two and I take a 1/2 point Bye for the round 5 ( from the 5 day schedule) that I didn't play. So instead of the really bad score of a 1/2 point ( from the bye) after 5 rounds) I get to use the OTHER craptacular score of 1.5 points.
If there is a book out there titled " How not to SUCK at chess" , I want it.
I can't believe it. It feels like I can't even put coherent sentences together.
I'm sure I will rebound. I realized that this is a tough tournament. PLus I am rated in the lower half of the section. It's foolish of me to think I could win money. But its not foolish of me to think I cna score better than I have. Especially with some of the players I have faced. I have played MUCH stronger opponents at the club and scored rather well. How is it that my OTB performance is so different and inconsistent at such events? This really baffles me.
I really need a break. I'd like to think that all this studying and preparation isn't in vein. Maybe it is? I mean really, I am STILL struggling with openings ( lost a couple games right away in the opening.) I still mis calculate tactics. I castle on the wrong side. I am quite sick of sucking at chess after putting so much into it. I am not seeing any positive results.
Oh well ... on to rounds 6 and 7.