I study....I practice... I am on my second tour of circles.... I am the top seed in a section at a Class championship... and I STILL LOSE!
One was due to an opening failure. I simply made the wrong plan because I was trying to follow a sharp variation as white against the Winnawer French. I got tripped up on move order and thought I could transpose to a classic setup. A friend tells me later that had I simply stuck with the main line rather than try to pull a tricky move from the repertoire book of Perhestyn, Dzindi and Alburt, I would have done better. Of course, when the clock isn't running and I am not clouded with "performance anxiety" because I am the top seed... I can't seem to think clearly.
Then there was the loss with the player rated 150 points lower than me. I had a won position but lost on time in a sudden death because I can't think in 5 second increments.
AND THEN... the one that was "broadcast" because I got to play with the monroi toy....
A Caro-Kann... advanced with an interesting exchange... I had three freeking connected passed pawns ... and I screwed THAT up!
I get to the point where I reach that fork in the road in a chess game. I try to carefully map out a plan... and the voices in my head tell me ..." Yeah! This is the move that'll show my oponent that I am a *KNIGHT* ( errant) " ... and yeah... I am ... and live up to my moniker "Blunderprone" and I become a self fulfilling prophacy.
I am so freeking tired of dumping so much effort into improving uet I seem to keep slipping backwards ever since last summer.
My wife thinks we can afford a coach for me... time to do some shopping.
licking my wounds.... BP